Ember will be coming along, of course. I'm sure she'll have a great time socializing and soaking up the trial environment.
Speaking of Ember, she went to the vet today for her last puppy shots. She got another DHPP and also Rabies, so she's totally good to go until next year! She was friendly and confident enough in the lobby, but was pretty terrified in the exam room. I suppose that's okay... I hate the doctor, too! But she was well mannered for the exam and the shots, and met a few friendly strangers, so it wasn't a total negative experience.
Here's a video of Ember a few weeks ago, working on her tricks :)
Moss and I went herding on Sunday for the first time in about a month. Life has just gotten in the way, I guess! Both Moss and I were rusty, and the work, well, didn't go so hot. My whistling, which I've been working really hard on, was sadly worse than ever. Maybe worse than it's ever been. And, of course, the more I worried about it the worse it got. Also, apparently I've been reading Moss's temperament wrong his entire life. I think he's a lot more sensitive than I thought.
At one point, I had him so cranked down and demoralized that he was eating sheep poo. I felt--and still feel--horrible about that. And the worst part? I didn't even know that I was talking harshly to him until my friend Mary pointed it out. In my head, I was speaking in a normal, calm voice. Cripes. We did manage to get some good, fun work in at the end, so it wasn't all bad for Moss. But the whole rest of the day I struggled to hold back tears because I felt so guilty.
I really need to figure out a way to do this that doesn't make me stressed out and frustrated. It IS frustrating, though, because I have good dog sense, and good stock sense, but I can't seem to put the two together out on the field. I have no confidence, and to be honest, I feel like an idiot out there most of the time. A total idiot who will never really "get it." I'm afraid that I will ruin Moss, which would be a fucking shame because he is an INCREDIBLE dog. I don't appreciate him enough. I feel like I owe it to him to give him the best training possible, and am disappointed that I am unable, for whatever reason, to do so.
Now, let me be clear...my stress over herding has NOTHING to do with my friends who are currently helping me. They are so supportive and helpful that it makes me want to cry. I am SO grateful to have them both in my life.
Okay, feeling-sorry-for-myself moment over :) My personality is very much that of a "fixer"... if something is bothering me, I obsess about how to make it better. If you haven't guessed, relaxing, chilling out, not stressing over stuff can be hard for me ;). So... what can I do to fix this? The way I see it, I have a couple options:
1) Write down a list of goals so I have a clear path to follow to achieve them. A training plan, of sorts. Then, actually follow through with it. Go all out, and conquer the hell out of my fear and frustration, becoming calmer, more self-assured, and a better handler because of it.
2) Take a step back. Focus on agility, and go herding whenever I can. Not worry so much about progressing or keeping up with other people or trialing.
3) Quit. It's not like herding is my job... it's supposed to be something I do for fun in my free time. Life is too short to stress over something like this.
I am not a quitter by nature. But I can't keep on like I am now. I guess I have some thinking to do...
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